Popular adage that we all are exposed to while growing up is – “Silence is Golden”. We fail to grasp or may be, we need regular reminders, that no quote or an expression can be followed or taken at face value in absolute terms in the absence of a context. Any wise soul who happened to have uttered few, timeless & priceless words of wisdom, would have done it based on what’s happening within that soul and around it at that point in time. Only sensible funda that can be applied to any damn situation on this earth is – ‘balanced approach’. Buddha said it long back – with experiences, we are all realizing with each passing day that the ‘middle-path’ is the real Holy Grail that we all are pursuing.
It’s humanly and at times, I feel, even godly, it’s not possible to understand each other completely. Very few who are hyper-sensitive & are intuitive enough to see through things can get other’s issues but they also get tired after a point observing and absorbing everything around. There is only that much any heart and head can take no matter how much empathy we wish to exhibit. Irrespective of whether a person is an introvert/extrovert – one might not be capable enough to express – not due to lack of trust but may be, internal chaos or clarity can’t be put in words at that moment.
Above applies to both pleasant & unpleasant situations. Many a times, we fail to perceive both the ecstasy & embarrassment someone else might be going through – even if they try hard to communicate it using both silence & through ‘bla bla bla’. May be, recipient’s grasping quotient is at its lowest on that particular day or may be too much of bla bla is a put off & too much of silence might make the other feel uncomfortable – there are no simple answers for not understanding one another. There are n number of permutations and combinations as to why both silence and talking can fail to articulate the right interpretations & evoke the much needed empathy.
To add to the above confusion, every individual has his/her own baggage of prejudices or call it way of thinking & feeling. We are not robots nor are we clones of each other to feel everything the way other person expects or wants. As Amy Poehler puts it – Other people are not medicine & so high time we learn to be kind to our own selves. Next best alternative to understanding is to care – which is possible irrespective of whether one gets the other person or not. Caring is a conscious choice that we can make on a regular basis so that it seeps into our sub conscious mind and becomes an organic response
Also, expecting our near and dear ones to keep us happy is too much of a pressure on them. It’s completely our own responsibility to find ways and means that can keep us sane if not happy. Given all the digital explosion, there are many affordable avenues to express or stay connected with like-minded people. Ample number of options to keep ourselves positively engaged – we are just one google search away from exploring the entire globe. There is always medical help/24/7 lifeline numbers and thanks to all the influencers who are trying their best to remove stigma around mental health.
With all due respect and near zero judgement on the ones who took their own life for whatever reasons better known only to them – wanna stress that life is way too beautiful to let go. Can only wish that destiny was not that cruel to make a person so indifferent towards what all wonderful things life can offer & it’s gut wrenching to know the amount of hopelessness and pain one must have been in – to take such drastic steps. Can definitely empthasize with their mental processing but still won’t agree with the decision of suicide especially when one was already blessed with a lovely mind & so many highs & lows to know the rhythm of life. Let’s not operate in extremes as it doesn’t add value to anyone. Life is fair in being unfair to all
There is no guarantee card that says silence or blabbering will work in making others understand what is going on in our mind but we all can definitely work towards gluing the gap between knowing right words such as kindness, caring etcetera and feeling them to an extent that we start applying in our day-to-day interactions with each other. My take is – any day, anytime expressing in moderation scores over extreme silence. Having your own tribe who gets you can be a blessing. Else, find ways to keep your senses engaged through any form of expression – conversation with a friend, writing, singing, music composition, painting, cooking, and gardening etc
Expression helps the one who is expressing and also, can be impactful if it happens to connect with others. So, let’s try to listen each other’s enriching stories. There is a concept of human book where we can borrow humans instead of book in a library kind of set up– bcoz each person’s experience is no less than a book and world is not made up of atoms but stories (line credit – Muriel Rukeyser). Stories differ but feelings remain more or less the same
Unfortunate suicide rates around make us value the Indian family system even more – it’s so well thought of. At times, we all have looked down upon it and might have shown rebellious streak to go away from family and live on our own in the name of independence. But, with some seasoning we realize the value of having someone to fall back upon or talk/share – again it’s foolish to expect that family/friends will understand us completely but it’s a blessing to have someone who cares. There is a reasoning & rationale behind the benefits of grand parents, parents and kids staying together. Everyone in the eco-system gets what they want – Grand children and grand parents need each other as both these demographics have enough time to talk and listen. This actually gives space & time – especially for working parents. Everyone feels seen, heard, safe & secure. I do get all the delicacies that might lead to few unwanted friction but it’s a good problem to deal with than loneliness and insecurity one might face living alone. Indian family system is a living example of life coming a full circle where a kid grow up to become a kid again. Old people after certain age say 85+ become child- like wanting attention & needing care. It’s also a chance for rest of us to show our gratitude for all that they have done & celebrate their life as they are on their way to bid goodbye
Simply put, gist is Life is way toooooooo awesome to abandon under any circumstance & keep one’s senses stimulated + engaged through expression as we can’t & should not expect others to understand us all the time. Let’s stop defining words such as success and failures rigidly. To care is way cooler than not to give a f**k. Let’s stop using ‘honesty’ as an excuse to be rude, critical and rigidly opinionated. Care enough not to judge rather understand. Might be a repetition but let’s grind Anne Lamott’s words and gulp down till it reaches every cell of our body – It’s better to be kind than right